Wednesday, May 22, 2024
I have had my fair share of trauma. I’ve been through relationship losses, deaths, embarrassments, etc. I’ve been in the hospital, writhing in pain, begging for morphine. I had a tonsillectomy fives years ago and although warned about the pain, what I experienced was beyond comprehension. I wept and couldn’t take opioids as they made me violently ill. I was delirious, contemplating whether a swallow was worth it or if death would have been more desirable.
I’ve been let down, disappointed, and hurt. I’ve been humiliated, shocked, tormented, and numbed. Metaphorically, I’ve been stripped, beaten, and abandoned. But in thinking about the worst parts of emotional and physical pain, if I could go back, I wouldn’t have prevented a single thing.
I don’t know about you, but I don’t think I would have stopped nor changed my life’s story line. If I had the power, I wouldn’t change the trajectory. It wouldn’t seem right to meddle in how I came to where I am now, even if patches of my progress seemed rough.
The past feels like it’s meant to be. I must trust that the present is also meant to be. Whatever you’re dealing with at this moment, know first that you’re not alone in your suffering, but then know that somehow, in some way, it’s as its supposed to be.
When we think back collectively, it would be easy to fantasize about going back in time to assassinate history’s worst villains, eradicate pestilence, stop storms, prevent wars, and reverse climate change. But do you think that would “fix” anything? Would stopping anything in your past fix you?
I can’t explain it, but it all seems fixed. My life is not repairable because it’s not faulty. It is to be left as is. It’s fixed. Don’t fixate on trying to fix what ain’t broke.