Wednesday, October 20, 2021
Good relationships involve skills, not just inherent traits (physical and personality), that we’re looking for in a partner. When you both are able to focus on how you relate to the person with whom you’ve formed a relationship, you’ve hit gold. When you relate to them with the primary objective of connecting with them, rather than impressing them or getting something from them, you’ve got your eye on the right path. Another important factor in how you relate to those you love, may have more to do with how you perceive yourself, than the way you perceive them. If you perceive yourself as an equal in the partnership, you’ve got a commonality. The relationship has a common focus, not on pleasing the other; not on “taking care” of the other; not on impressing the other; but on working on how you relate to each other. The other things can get way out of balance – one giving more than the other, for example. The best way to find common ground is by switching to constant learning mode, at all times.
It’s easy to feel like you’re right, that you’re more of a contributor in a partnership, or that you are not to blame for the problems – that’s a feeling of superiority. It’s also easy to feel wrong and to be blamed for all the problems – that’s a feeling of inferiority. But if the shared skill set that you’re both focused on is building a healthy, connective bond – you’re finally on the same page. Your shared interest is balanced, and it’s focused on connecting with each other, equally. But this learning experience is a bumpy ride, and it’s often difficult because you learn as you go. You’re both students here, one is not the teacher. Bring a level playing field into your relationships. Connect to the common bond of learning how your perception may be interfering with your need to better relate to your partner.