Wednesday, March 19, 2025
I wake up each morning with a zest. The deeper I go into reason, the more circular it seems, as it coils upwards upon itself. Reason has no end as in, “I’ll get to the bottom of that!” But in some strange way, saying the universe is unreasonable or infinite is a smug statement that still begs the question.
A quest is a journey, often with a sense of personal challenge. A conquest, however, is a forceful overtaking of something that already exists, like territory or land. A quest is about actively seeking, while a conquest is about forcefully claiming. A quest is an innocence about the mystery of “nonexistence,” a state of wonder that gently begs.
A conquest is a solution, an irrefutability that stands proud. Against what is it justified? A theory, a hypothesis, a thought, a desire, a so-called need to know? I feel I have lived my entire life seeking a foundation. Something upon which to stand unequivocally and say, “I’m real.”
The thing that seems to resonate is “I am;” but I still can’t shake the sense that “I am not.” Existence and nonexistence commingle; but seem noncompetitive. They seem to connect. Finite and infinite seem to do the same, so how could I get to the bottom of anything? That’s a con-quest. To con is to persuade (someone) to do or believe something, typically by use of deception. Am I conning myself?
It all seems to feel like living in a conspiracy. Con-spire, based on Latin conspirare means to ‘agree, plot.’ As an intransitive verb, “spire” means to rise. To rise above what, then? Perhaps we’ll never know, but I’m enticed by the journey. I live in that state of enthusiastic wonder – the one that begs your pardon; that begs the question – who am I, again?