Wednesday, December 18, 2024
The majority of my life felt like postponement. I fell into the trap of being in preparation mode. Each grade level in school felt like preparation for the next. High school felt like preparing for college. College felt like preparing for grad school. Grad school felt like preparing for a job. Each job felt like preparation for the “dream job.” The dream job felt like preparation for retirement. Retirement feels like preparation for the grave. Somehow, I don’t feel like I’m preparing to meet my maker either.
At some point, it’s time to stop preparing and to be in constant reception, openness, and wonder. I’m waiting for me, I suppose. If I don’t start enjoying where and who I am, I’ll never figure it out. Am I preparing to figure it out? If life is a journey, when the hell do we get there? We don’t. There is no there.
I go in and out of the preparation illusion and the separation illusion. But each day, I am afforded the opportunity to center. I can remind myself that the preparation illusion gets me nowhere. I’m here, that’s why. Why would I want to be nowhere?
I can find new energies. I can find new friendships. I can find new love interests. I can find new people. I can think new thoughts. I can be a new I AM. Novelty is good. I can keep dreaming, and I can feel the aliveness of being restored and fresh. This is always with me. I’m not waiting. I’m not preparing. Potential remains with me, forever. It’s my constant companion. I never arrive because today gives me new opportunities. Novelty is my constant companion. I’m not going to any finish line. I’m in a receiving line. I’m in the center of life’s abundant activity. It’s a parade of constant giving.