Saturday, October 5, 2024
We love to make an impression on someone new. But with someone “old,” we often bury them alive.
At the end of each day, I erase my text messages with my ex-husband. We’ve been reconnecting, long distance. Each day, I encounter him as a new person. That’s because each day, part of him is a new person. Something matures in me every morning, and this is happening in all people. When we approach new people, we are often on our best behavior. Why is that? It’s because we love making first impressions and are open, charming, courteous, forgiving, and gentle. When we meet strangers, we haven’t an opportunity to conceptualize them and turn them into old news. Once we build a history, we create graven idols out of people, never giving them room to breathe and evolve in our own consciousness, daily.
The word graven means to fix (something) indelibly in the mind. The root is Old English grafan ‘dig’, and German begraben ‘bury’. So when you describe someone you’ve known for a long time, you stagnate them in this image you’ve created. With my partner, I erase the graven image I have of him, daily. In the past, my fixed images of him buried him alive in my own mind. The mind, the tool we use to create graven images, must remain open.
As creatures we’re unfolding. Dead things are not. You haven’t a prayer if you’ve been labeled rude or a liar. Set people free from the grave. Let people live fresh in your mind. Start each day with a new openness especially for those with whom you’ve had a history. Greet them like a stranger, and be on your best behavior. Everyday is an opportunity to make a good impression on someone you’ve known for a long time. Don’t bury them. Bury the hatchet instead, and stop making graven images with it.