Saturday, August 17, 2024
When you have a problem with someone, the problem is with you, not them. And when someone has a problem with you, it’s with them, not you. We turn others into problems by letting them into our heads. The mind loves to create a problem with the behavior of others. But who are you? The way they behave is a problem? What about the way you behave? When you say someone’s words and/or actions bother you, it’s because you’ve labeled those words or actions as wrong or bad and your emotional condition is altered. You caused it. Be responsible.
Ultimately you are responsible for your own discomfort. When you blame an outside condition or a person’s actions or words on your inner condition, you’ve misplaced your responsibility. Get used to other people saying things that inflame your ego. Notice when you want to fight. Anytime you want to fight, the blame is outside of you, on the wrong cause.
The key is to notice your ego loving a fight. Notice when someone dislikes you and remind yourself to practice compassion. Those who blame you or try to incite you are in deep pain themselves. This happened to me recently in a conversation. He said that we “always talk about this, and it’s too much.” He found fault in my line of conversation, got irritated, and blamed his irritation on me. I was enjoying our exchange, and it bothered him. Go figure. Should I be bothered at his bother? If I do, the cycle never ends.
Please be compassionate with those who despise you. I know it’s hard, but they don’t know that you aren’t the nuisance. For everyone I’ve ever blamed for my suffering, this is a public apology. Let’s all be more responsible and ultimately compassionate.