Friday, February 23, 2024
Relationships are fraught with difficulty because we don’t allow our partners freedom; they become protected property. A marriage license is tricky business, but not a ticket for holding on for life. This goes along the lines of what I wrote yesterday – following exterior “laws” is hard. A marriage vow goes something like this, “I promise to love you in good times (and in bad).” I was one of those people who parenthetically married with the expectation of only good times. I couldn’t make it through the parenthesis. I couldn’t fulfill my promise to love in “bad times.” But I have learned what true love is and feel I get to do it again.
My now ex-husband and I love each other more than we did when we were confined to a marriage. Why? We are now free, and that has increased the bonds of love and trustworthiness. It seems counterintuitive to abdicate “protecting” the relationship with a vow or certificate, but love cannot be protected. It’s free.
Allow your partner freedom? They might roam away from you! Best to keep your guard up – make a contract and institutionalize love. That will keep you from anything harmful. You wouldn’t want to be hurt, now would you? Do you see how defensiveness kills love’s effervescence, freedom, and spontaneity? Institutionalize anything, protect it in a shell, and it dies.
When you trust yourself, your guard is down, and you’re strong no matter what or who comes in or out of your life. If you are afraid of losing your partner, you don’t love them. You’re just trying to protect your fragile ego. True love lets go. When someone is free, truly free from having to please you, they’ll love you even more, and the bonds will strengthen without a contract or a vow. The bonds of love are loose, but stronger than death.