Monday, November 1, 2021
Using the first person to address yourself is a little too familiar. Saying things to yourself like, “I’m such an idiot,” or “I’m so unlucky,” is an assertion that makes you feel like the object of a concept, the concept of “I,” predictable and familiar. The second person, using “you” to address yourself, is a bit more accusatory, as in, “You never do___ ,” or “You always mess up___.” When you use the third person, addressing yourself by name, it has a slightly different feel to it, it’s unfamiliar. Your name identifies you as a person, someone who you don’t fully know yet, rather than the conceptual, perfunctory “I” – the one you think that you know everything about.
Using the pronoun “we,” might also be helpful when you internally address yourself, because it implies that you’re on a team. But, you are on a team – the team of collective humanity. Using “we” has a less familiar sound than “I” and “You,” which are much too close, too personal, and too familiar.
Distanced self-talk opens the door to discovering that you do have something more to learn about yourself. It’s better to drop the self-talk altogether, but if you can catch yourself, use a different pronoun or better yet, use your very own name – it makes it harder to be insulting to yourself. It makes you feel like a person, rather than a concept contaminated with judgement. Distancing the self-talk might help to make you feel more refreshingly unfamiliar, like someone that you haven’t gotten to know, yet. That beautiful space of what’s unfamiliar within you will breed more self-respect and a little more privacy. Don’t intrude on your privacy by making assumptions about yourself. Leave room for the unfamiliar, and enjoy getting to know yourself better. It’s a lifetime pursuit.