Friday, September 16, 2022
We tend to lock people into a singular perception, especially people that we think we “know.” The problem is, no human is ever truly knowable. When you meet someone new, for example, there’s a fresh, awkward kind of openness – a little spark of curiosity in that gap of cautiousness. It’s a healthy kind of space. But when that space narrows, as you get closer and closer, you can get presumptuous. You can presume you have them all summed up.
This can happen in many familiar relationships. Familiarity does breed contempt, especially if you assume that you fully know someone, and yourself. When you get locked into thinking that you know someone you close the gap of spontaneity, the room for change, and the space for growth. To open that space again, you have to back up. You have to practice seeing the “stranger” in others, no matter how well you think you know them. You also have to leave room to allow your own inner stranger to surprise you!
Humans grow forever. Think of yourself ten years ago. Think of yourself ten years into the future. Somehow, when we zoom out like that, we can objectify ourselves in a healthy way. We can see ourselves in the third person, more like someone we don’t know as well. It’s important to sometimes see yourself in the third person. You’re on a growth journey, just like everyone else, and one day a discovery will prompt a change in behavior, preferences, and desire. When you open to it, zoom out a bit, and create room for the stranger, he or she will appear. But don’t let it surprise you. Keep the space open, don’t close it by assuming you know all there is to know about someone, especially yourself.