Friday, March 14, 2025
I don’t know if we can shake the feeling of “otherness” that plagues us. This is a deep feeling like I am separate from all other things and people I see and perceive as “not me.” The enemy arises within, then we flee, attack, and eradicate “out there.” Infestation means, in a sense, torment or harass. We are tormented by this sense of “otherness.” And we cannot rid ourselves of it. The infestation is “inward,” and fear is paranoia.
“I” and “not me” are synonyms. For many, the word “God” means “not me.” And we are told there is none that is righteous, no, not one. Yet, we defend, we attack, and we run. Roaches creep me out, but I live in an infestation. That is, until I stop trying to flee, kill, and eradicate.
Even though I have come to understand that there is none other, I still can’t seem to shake the feeling of “otherness.” What once felt like “not me” is still “not me.” But the difference is, I realize I need not fear it. I realize the villain is within. Eradicating makes it fester. The roaches are coming from within my own walls, and I realize I am a roach too.
To the unaware, I look like a creepy roach encroaching on one’s “clean house.” Censorship, war, overtaking, domination, winning, defending, giving up, protecting – roaches eradicating roaches. The infestation is coming from within the “walls” of the individual because they think they have walls, something that looks like “just me.” We’re either all roaches or all gods. If you eradicate the roaches, you eradicate the creator – yourself. Which will it be? It seems we haven’t a choice. We live in an infestation, which means overrun, spread through, and invaded. Roaches or gods? Who does vengeance belong to?