Tuesday, April 30, 2024
People can change, but it’s hard work on your part. We have influence and we are creating monsters out of others. Whatever we expect of them, people will fall into those expectations. If we expect them to piss us off, they will. The good news is, people change when the way you see them changes. Change your expectations and keep working with them in your mind.
I had a horrible dean at my last university. He was an awful, egotistical windbag who I blamed for everything. But I dropped the accusation and stopped fighting with him in my mind. Once I let go of the adversarial role I placed him in, he announced his retirement. He taught me that I was the awful, egotistical windbag to blame for everything. Once I let go of him, as the enemy, he vanished from the university. He would have left sooner had I dropped him earlier on, but I was too busy holding him close.
We work with our enemies by reimagining them. Rethink that “horrible” person. Imagine them saying lovely things, being sweet, smart, and friendly. Even if the evidence “out there” says otherwise, ignore it. Dwell in your imagined state of them being friendly and helpful.
At first, all of this reimagining will feel like a lie, but you have to work with them in your mind. Keep working with positive expectations. This reimagining of them is the work involved in “working with people.” If you can reimagine someone, their role as enemy will vanish in your mind. Then, they will either change or vanish physically or you’ll vanish from the situation. Why hold the enemy so close to you? When “working with people,” you have the power to shape them. Be creative, not combative. Stop turning “others” into monsters and the illusion of horrible people will literally vanish before your eyes.