Thursday, December 21, 2023
I don’t know how, and if I do, I’m kidding myself. When I contemplate how, I’m as lost as a kid in a world of make-believe. Although it appears as though I did something, when I get into the mechanics, it’s a bunny hole. I thought I did, but it turns out I didn’t do anything. If I told you “how,” I’d be tantamount to a scam artist. Be wary of anyone who knows “how.”
I’ve realized there is no “my doing.” If choice is an illusion, then our so-called choices are schematics of pretense, not reality. When you begin to put together the pieces of your life, you realize everything found you, and it merely appeared as your own doing. Did you birth yourself? Do you beat your own heart? Do you realize how much of what makes you who you are isn’t under your control? You didn’t learn your skills. The skills were in you and you excavated them. Sentience is all you’ve got to watch how it all unfolds. Fully knowing how futile your so-called control is makes you surrender to what is, and it liberates you from delusional pitfalls that many are struggling with.
I can’t show you how – it just came. My birth, who I am, my family, my circumstance, my skills, the right people – all of it found me. My ideas, my desires, my preferences, and my so-called mistakes and choices found me too. To whom do I owe this credit, then? If it’s all being done, then who am I? I must be something over which I have no control. I must be something I cannot fully comprehend. I must be wearing some kind of disguise, yet inside, I’m all in all. I must do nothing. I must be nothing. It must be as easy as being a kid. I wonder – who are you kidding?