Thursday, November 16, 2023
What is at the heart of disappointment? Many people act as if disappointment is the worst thing in the human condition. Some parents move heaven and earth to protect their children from it. If it looks unpromising, they swoop in and try to irradiate disappointment. They bulldoze offense, resistance, obstacles, and let downs. What kind of adult does that kind of parenting produce?
An appointment is a mental model of the future. A dis-appointment is reality that foils the model. What I find interesting is how often the model of the future is spot on, yet disappointment seems to be the worst that could happen. I think 98% of the time, our expectations work out in daily life. The longer term is a little more fuzzy, but that’s OK – it keeps us growing. It’s the times that don’t work out that make you grow.
Once, on a choir trip, the bus broke down, and we were going to miss a performance. I was disappointed to say the least, probably more like angry. As we were stranded, a very kind student said, “At least we’re all together.” Those are the words – at least. I’d say most situations that seem to create disappointment have no significant consequence. There is always something of greater value within a disappointment. It’s the “at least” that gets you there.
If you lose everything, “at least” you have your life. If things don’t work out, “at least” you have another day to figure it out. If the plans turn into a disaster, “at least” you have your family, friends, and health. At least, disappointment reminds you of your insignificance. The seeming lowest common denominator is probably the most important element upon which to reflect. Disappointment “at least” reminds you that you’re not the center of the world. What humbles you is probably more important than what didn’t work out. At least, that’s how I see it.