Wednesday, November 16, 2022
We all have external roles – mother, spouse, friend, neighbor, etc. But when an externality comes to an end, what’s left? Knowing who you are, aside from the roles that you “play,” could be an important, yet overlooked element of existence. If you overly identify with your external titles, when life takes them away from you, it will feel like death, especially if your identification with those roles has been prolonged, or they have felt particularly meaningful to you.
When externalities fail, and they always do, you may grieve, as if experiencing death itself. What’s left of the billionaire who suddenly loses every dime? – one very sad person, I’m sure! Roles help us function as a society, I get it. But roles change. When children grow up, you’re still a mom, but in a new way. Roles are stripped. CEO is meaningless, when a company goes belly up. When externalities fail, allow the roles you play within them to dissolve without a struggle.
Think of all the different “hats” that you’ve already worn in your life. When it’s time to go from “coupled” to “single,” embrace your new title, but not too tightly. “Single” is just another temporary label. If you cling to external labels too tightly, when life changes them right under your nose, you’ll experience suffering – but you don’t have to. Remember, it’s just a role exchange, not death. Don’t get too caught up in that external change. Sometimes your new role is good! You may go from “unemployed” to “business-owner!” But again, that change is both temporary and skin-deep too. You are the deeper, changeless entity that “lives” under one hat to the next. That changeless presence, the essence of who you are is what matters. Let life change your externalities without putting up so much of a fuss. Focus on what remains consistent, the formlessness upon which all of those wardrobe changes exist.